I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
