I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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