can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
