that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Randomize
