Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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