new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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