he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
