dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
