turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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