I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
