Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
