he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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