Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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