the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
