So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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