There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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