I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
