i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
