You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
