the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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