all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
