I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
