I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
