Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
