I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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