I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
