Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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