Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
