Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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