it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
