I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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