I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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