how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
