He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
