i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
