Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
