dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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