Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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