You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
