I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
