Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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