It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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