You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
