I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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