So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
