After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
