When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
