there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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