There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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