I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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