Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
