Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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