The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
