its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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