HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
