tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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