I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
