I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
