My liver just broke up with me...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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