I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
being pregnant is like rehab
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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