i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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